When you are a vegan couple, while the rules of the game are still the same, there is an extra layer of humor inherently wired in your relationship. You may not see that, but for an outsider, your ordinary vegan talks can be hilarious.
If you’re a vegan in a relationship with another vegan, we bet you end up saying and doing these totally weird things every day.
When he’s in the kitchen to prep his breakfast –
He: Darling, your avocados are perfectly ripe for my smoothies.
She: Oh baby, I love it when you talk dirty!
When they go out for a coffee
She: They charged us extra dollars for almond milk. Everyone wants to rip off vegans
He (furious): Exactly, you should have asked them – what about giving a discount when you have to take off the chicken and cheese from our salad?
When she’s made a new vegan dish and he finally tries some from the table
She: You spoiled my whole photo composition. It took me 30 minutes to get this setting right to get the perfect Instagram story shot.
I’m not hungry anymore, you eat the whole damn thing now.
He: My cutie pie, don’t be angry. I’m so sorry. You were clicking pictures since last hour, I thought you were done. Let me make it up to you with the vegan ice-cream. I read about the new vegan flavors at Milk & Honey.
When they get bored of preparing their own vegan meals –
He: Hey darling, there’s a new vegan restaurant that has opened justt around the corner.
She: Oooh, date night!
The Double date conspiracy –
She: Don’t forget our dinner tonight with Adam and Jane. Do you think we can veganize them?
He: Hell yeah! I have some clever talk points that will totally turn them into vegans.
And when they’re getting ready to for a pub night with friends…..
She: Darling, I’ve sneaked in some vegan beer in my purse, this new pub we’re going to has no vegan liquor.
He (giving her a big kiss): You’re a genius darling, it’ll save us some extra dollars too.
And the obsession with eating healthy and believing eating junk is a sin –
She: I’ve been telling you to give up those vegan burgers, it’s loaded with synthetic garbage and unhealthy junk. Try this new vegan dish I learned from YouTube, it’s so colorful even your poop will look pretty.
When they’re going for a holiday
She: Cuddles, I am just packing one pair of shoes for you, I have to fit in the travel cooker and food if we can’t find anything vegan to eat. It’s Norway, can’t take a chance.
He: Don’t worry sweetie, I am packing light. I just saw this video on minimalistic lifestyle, they had some cool tips on how to travel sustainably. I think one t-shirt, one dress shirt, and one jeans is good enough for me. I’m not going to shave during the holiday either, will save water. Don’t worry, you can even add that blender in the luggage. If we don’t find something to eat, we’ll whip up some smoothies, soups and salads.
When she decides to relax and take a bath and he walks in
He: How can you waste water?
She: I’m vegan, I have water credits!
During a verbal argument –
She: Your sister was all over the place trotting smugly in her designer leather bags made from animal skin.
He: Your brother walked into our house just yesterday wearing his leather Adidas kicks and lying right on my face it’s not leather!
She: Your mother invited us for Christmas and didn’t have a single vegan dish on the menu except for fruit platter. Thank God, I packed some vegan pies.
He: My mother? What about yours? She gave me a leather wallet for Christmas for Christ’s sake. I couldn’t sleep all night because animals were killed for my present.
When things get serious and they’re ready to commit for the long-term
She: I think we should get matching Vegan Tattoos.
He: You just spoke my mind, juicy top (oh yes they always have those weird nicknames)
Sometimes the random doubts –
She: Can we still call each other ‘honey’?
He: I like sugar better.
When the jealousy creeps in (you bump into your ex with your vegan girl)-
She: Your ex looks beautiful. But you would have never been happy if it lasted, see how she digs on the ribs and flashed her dead animal skin Gucci bag all the time.
And when she wants to compliment him –
Babe, you’re a level 10 vegan husband / boyfriend!
February 22, 2018
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